I had such a lovely weekend this weekend. It started off in a way that could have imploded the whole weekend... I slept in to the time I was actually supposed to leave for my parent's place. Unfortunately yesterday one of my headaches decided to come along. However I didn't let this ruin my weekend. I didn't rush, I still made sure to complete the things that needed to be done before I left. Before I did leave I called my mum to let her know I wasn't quite up to scratch and asked if she could apologise and explain on my behalf to my step dad. He is getting on in years and can be quite grumpy if you don't show proper respect.
I quite often put off visiting because I often feel like I'm not doing anything right. I try to help out with cleaning up etc, but if I haven't done it fast enough there can be grumpy words, and reminders from my mum of things I need to do once at home.
Amazingly, I was told not to do a thing this weekend, mum actually walked me over to the couch and told me to rest. My step father was lovely the whole time, and my mum told me numerous times that she is proud of how hard I am working to improve my home right now with my decluttering. There were a couple of times of gentle reminders of what else to do to fix things at home, however I tried to remember she was just trying to help. The first time I explained that I did know these things and I really just need positive reinforcement right now. The next time, I listened and said thank you and that was that.
As "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" suggests, when discussing a current political issue and my step father disagreed strongly, I left it at that. There was no time to ask why his view was as such, but I let him 'win' the discussion even though it is something I feel quite strongly about. I would never change his mind, and he wouldn't thank me for pushing. All I would have been left with would have been a grumpy step dad and a grumpy me.
I enjoyed a lovely walk along the beach with mum, a lovely roast lamb (my step dad's speciality) - and I got the shank... yum yum yum, and I had a lot of fun out on the balcony watching the Australia Day fireworks.
All in all it was lovely and relaxing and I felt a lot of love. Doing my best to put everything I'm learning from 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff' and Louise Hay into practice is opening my heart and my life to possibilities and to life giving back to me.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Communication is key!
Overall I have a very good relationship with my ex and his wife. They are both very nice people and both love the kids very much. There are much worse situations to be in. However at times I do feel that it is two against my one. They may not realise they are coming off that way, but it does none the less. There have been many things that have upset me, especially over the last couple of years but I have felt a lot of pressure to just shut up and not say anything to keep the peace. I was never good at winning any arguments with my ex anyway even when he was completely wrong. (Such as when, just after seeing The Sixth Sense, he refused to believe that Bruce Willis' character was actually dead!!! - Sorry for the spoiler there for anyone who hasn't watched it!)
When, earlier this week my kids step mum said to me on the phone that there was a number of things that came up in the kids week there that they wanted to talk to me about I suggested that she wrote them down as it would give me the space to think about the issues and respond with an intelligent answer after being able to actually think about it first rather than being blindsided and responding without thought.
The more I thought about this, the more I thought this was a good idea. For some time I've really wanted to have a better relationship with them. The stresses I'm feeling as a result of how I am perceiving them and how they may be perceiving me are quite frankly making my life a lot more unhappy than it needs to be. There is no need for me to be feeling unhappy when thinking about them. Indeed, the 3 of us (and hopefully eventually 4 of us, once I get a partner of my own), need to work together to help the kids grow to be the best they can be, so I would prefer to enjoy that time than dread it.
At school, my son has a book called a communication book. His teacher or special needs aid writes anything that has concerned them, that my son did well or something he needed in there and sends it home to me to read, I respond and include any thing I need them to know. This works out very well. So I decided to start a communication book for the kids to be written in by myself and my ex & his wife. I wrote a few things to start today and explained it to the kids step mum. I said it was to be an open and friendly book where we wrote worries, things needed or things coming up for the kids.
She said she thought that was a great idea! We have tried a number of ways to do something similar before, but I really feel that this has the best chance of being successful.
I'll have to remember Don't Sweat the Small Stuff when reading their response though. Their type of parenting is different to mine, neither is wrong, just different... so I'll have to remember to calm, not take things personally even if it feels like it is personal and be prepared to see things from their point of view and offer to meet them half way... and indeed be open to changing my mind if after a good unbiased think realise their point does have merit.
I'll report back as to how it is going!!
When, earlier this week my kids step mum said to me on the phone that there was a number of things that came up in the kids week there that they wanted to talk to me about I suggested that she wrote them down as it would give me the space to think about the issues and respond with an intelligent answer after being able to actually think about it first rather than being blindsided and responding without thought.
The more I thought about this, the more I thought this was a good idea. For some time I've really wanted to have a better relationship with them. The stresses I'm feeling as a result of how I am perceiving them and how they may be perceiving me are quite frankly making my life a lot more unhappy than it needs to be. There is no need for me to be feeling unhappy when thinking about them. Indeed, the 3 of us (and hopefully eventually 4 of us, once I get a partner of my own), need to work together to help the kids grow to be the best they can be, so I would prefer to enjoy that time than dread it.
At school, my son has a book called a communication book. His teacher or special needs aid writes anything that has concerned them, that my son did well or something he needed in there and sends it home to me to read, I respond and include any thing I need them to know. This works out very well. So I decided to start a communication book for the kids to be written in by myself and my ex & his wife. I wrote a few things to start today and explained it to the kids step mum. I said it was to be an open and friendly book where we wrote worries, things needed or things coming up for the kids.
She said she thought that was a great idea! We have tried a number of ways to do something similar before, but I really feel that this has the best chance of being successful.
I'll have to remember Don't Sweat the Small Stuff when reading their response though. Their type of parenting is different to mine, neither is wrong, just different... so I'll have to remember to calm, not take things personally even if it feels like it is personal and be prepared to see things from their point of view and offer to meet them half way... and indeed be open to changing my mind if after a good unbiased think realise their point does have merit.
I'll report back as to how it is going!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Sleep Sleep, don't forget to sleep
Both Tuesday and today I have been much slower at my training sessions at work. It has proven something that I already knew. You must have a decent amount of sleep to be able to live your life effectively. I truly believe that the connection between my lack of sleep on the nights before and my lower abilities at work is very real. After all, last week, on my first days, I was zooming through. I do have a sleep book in my collection of self help books... so I think I might move it up my list of books to read!!! Writing in the middle of the day with kids around so will have to post again later when I no longer have the sounds of apps and the Disney channel in my ears!!!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Oops, I did it again!!
I've been reading and listening to Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... by Richard Carlson lately, I will go more in to the things I've learnt from him so far at a later date.. however it is hard work putting one thing in to practice. He talks about holding back from talking about yourself, ask questions... Learn to even leave a conversation from time to time having only spoken to the other person about their life.
Remembered it when talking to a friend today, but as this is a particularly sympathetic friend who always praises how well I deal with the hand I have been dealt and that my aggravation at a certain situation & person is completely justified. This is wonderful and I really cherish her friendship, however it means she is so good at being there for me that I slip into talking about myself and run out of time to talk about her. All the while talking to her I had a voice in my head saying "stop talking about myself", show interest in her life, but it just didn't translate to my mouth!
At least my head did remember... just have to work to get the brain & mouth connected. One person in the household with no filter is enough I think... although my son is amusing with it.
His autism does not allow for him to realise or understand that things he says could hurt people's feelings, he just says things how they see them. Latest example... in one day he told the lady at the chemist that she had a pointy nose, a lady going into the chemist she had a moustache, and his babysitter that she had a really wrinkly face! I of course reprimand him so he knows I disagree with it, even though it doesn't really work as it doesn't compute for next time, but it makes the other person feel better, especially when my son goes on repeat mode and can't stop saying it!
Embarrasing when it happens, but kind of amusing when looking back at it (I think I can safely say this as he has often said things to me such as.. "you've got a big bum", "wow, you've got big thighs"! I choose to look at it with humour. It's definitely not the worst part of autism we experience!
Remembered it when talking to a friend today, but as this is a particularly sympathetic friend who always praises how well I deal with the hand I have been dealt and that my aggravation at a certain situation & person is completely justified. This is wonderful and I really cherish her friendship, however it means she is so good at being there for me that I slip into talking about myself and run out of time to talk about her. All the while talking to her I had a voice in my head saying "stop talking about myself", show interest in her life, but it just didn't translate to my mouth!
At least my head did remember... just have to work to get the brain & mouth connected. One person in the household with no filter is enough I think... although my son is amusing with it.
His autism does not allow for him to realise or understand that things he says could hurt people's feelings, he just says things how they see them. Latest example... in one day he told the lady at the chemist that she had a pointy nose, a lady going into the chemist she had a moustache, and his babysitter that she had a really wrinkly face! I of course reprimand him so he knows I disagree with it, even though it doesn't really work as it doesn't compute for next time, but it makes the other person feel better, especially when my son goes on repeat mode and can't stop saying it!
Embarrasing when it happens, but kind of amusing when looking back at it (I think I can safely say this as he has often said things to me such as.. "you've got a big bum", "wow, you've got big thighs"! I choose to look at it with humour. It's definitely not the worst part of autism we experience!
Believe your life is great... and it will be
Over the last half year I have been doing my very best to remain in a positive frame of mind, remembering advice given at Louise Hay's You Can Do It workshop as well as from the books mentioned here. Now I'm not saying I'm in any way near where I want to be, but just opening yourself up to change allows for the universe to do it's best to help you also.
When I first heard of affirmations I thought they were nice but didn't think they could work - especially those about money. How on earth can saying I have money when I don't, bring me money???
I don't remember to do affirmations all the time but I believe I opened the gateway wide enough to allow for good luck to enter into my life.
In the last week of my children's school last year I bumped into a good friend that I hadn't seen for a while. She wasn't aware that I had decided to move my son to an austism specific school this year. This conversation led to my sons schooling being why I left my last job and some monetary pressures because of this. After this I remembered that my son's new school was 5 minutes away from the business she owns, and to lighten the topic I mentioned this to her. Out of nowhere she said 'Oh, I'm looking for an office manager!' My first reaction was to ruin this for myself by saying that I'd never been a manager before, she said it is really a reception/administration role, and asked for my resume.
I thought I'd have no chance and would let her down, however when sitting down to write the things I did at my last job, I realised that I actually knew how to do an amazing amount. Regardless of feeling worthless at my last job, my skills actually translated in a positive way in this new possibility.
Needless to say... I got the job!! It's part time, only 11 hours at present, however it is perfect for me. I am so happy too! I'm still in training, and the only reactions I've had have been amazingly positive, being told I'm smart, I've picked things up fast, I'll be great at this, they're not worried about my ability to do this job at all. It is also at a wellness clinic (chiropractic, massage etc), with a lovely atmosphere. I'm also encouraged... in fact it is a key part of my job to welcome and chat to customers! I'm supposed to know them by face, or even the sound of their voice on the phone.
I consider myself to be very fortunate and firmly believe that this good fortune is a direct result of allowing positive beliefs to come into my life.
When I first heard of affirmations I thought they were nice but didn't think they could work - especially those about money. How on earth can saying I have money when I don't, bring me money???
I don't remember to do affirmations all the time but I believe I opened the gateway wide enough to allow for good luck to enter into my life.
In the last week of my children's school last year I bumped into a good friend that I hadn't seen for a while. She wasn't aware that I had decided to move my son to an austism specific school this year. This conversation led to my sons schooling being why I left my last job and some monetary pressures because of this. After this I remembered that my son's new school was 5 minutes away from the business she owns, and to lighten the topic I mentioned this to her. Out of nowhere she said 'Oh, I'm looking for an office manager!' My first reaction was to ruin this for myself by saying that I'd never been a manager before, she said it is really a reception/administration role, and asked for my resume.
I thought I'd have no chance and would let her down, however when sitting down to write the things I did at my last job, I realised that I actually knew how to do an amazing amount. Regardless of feeling worthless at my last job, my skills actually translated in a positive way in this new possibility.
Needless to say... I got the job!! It's part time, only 11 hours at present, however it is perfect for me. I am so happy too! I'm still in training, and the only reactions I've had have been amazingly positive, being told I'm smart, I've picked things up fast, I'll be great at this, they're not worried about my ability to do this job at all. It is also at a wellness clinic (chiropractic, massage etc), with a lovely atmosphere. I'm also encouraged... in fact it is a key part of my job to welcome and chat to customers! I'm supposed to know them by face, or even the sound of their voice on the phone.
I consider myself to be very fortunate and firmly believe that this good fortune is a direct result of allowing positive beliefs to come into my life.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Listening to Self help books in the car...
As you can see from the long gap between posts, I am still very much a work in progress however I have come across recently an idea that is really helping me.
I have found it very hard to get through many self help books. While they are interested, I generally start to lose interest or just get physically tired when reading. Some I even have real trouble understanding exactly what is being said. So I decided to see what I could do about it.
Using a recording app on my iphone, I have recorded myself reading a book out loud... I have been able to do this even while tired as reading aloud doesn't allow for falling asleep, and I don't have to worry if I'm not fully understanding something because I know I will be listening to it later. For the moment I have been listening to the recordings in the car, but I intend on listening to them when going on walks also.
Having it there, easily accessible to just turn on and listen also helps me not forget what I read in the book in earlier chapters, which can sometimes happen. It's a lot easier to do this than think about starting all over again reading chapters you can't remember or didn't learn from the first time.
You can of course buy the audio recordings if there are professional ones out there, however this won't always be the case, and I find by doing it for myself doubles the chance of the message really staying with you.
Definitely something I recommend you do.
I have found it very hard to get through many self help books. While they are interested, I generally start to lose interest or just get physically tired when reading. Some I even have real trouble understanding exactly what is being said. So I decided to see what I could do about it.
Using a recording app on my iphone, I have recorded myself reading a book out loud... I have been able to do this even while tired as reading aloud doesn't allow for falling asleep, and I don't have to worry if I'm not fully understanding something because I know I will be listening to it later. For the moment I have been listening to the recordings in the car, but I intend on listening to them when going on walks also.
Having it there, easily accessible to just turn on and listen also helps me not forget what I read in the book in earlier chapters, which can sometimes happen. It's a lot easier to do this than think about starting all over again reading chapters you can't remember or didn't learn from the first time.
You can of course buy the audio recordings if there are professional ones out there, however this won't always be the case, and I find by doing it for myself doubles the chance of the message really staying with you.
Definitely something I recommend you do.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Afternoon Delight
Been a bit busy lately. It's my son's birthday today and I've been madly sorting lego. He has a huge tub and about 30 instructions which he can't use because there is too much to sort through, so I've made it a goal to sort through it all back into their sets, order in the parts we are missing and make that his birthday/Christmas present. Much better to get 30 sets back (some very large) than me buying one piddly set! Unfortunately it's a huge job and since it's not done today I must finish my Christmas!! I've also started to do some unpicking work on tutus for my daughter's ballet teacher.
Yesterday I also had a renewed second wind with my belief in myself. Earlier this year I thought to do work as a Personal concierge, but lost track of that belief due to outside influences and my own lack of confidence. Also after looking at other concierge services, the fees are so high I thought no one would want to pay that so I gave up. Last night I had a doh! moment realising that I don't need fees that high. I'm currently wanting to live in enough comfort to be happy, not to build up a huge business - of which I wouldn't be able to run currently. So I could provide a slightly more limited service but with significantly cheaper prices.
Today and for the next couple of weeks I will be testing how fast I can do different jobs within an hour so I know how to quote on the spot.
On to the books. I have read the forward of 'Your Child's Self-Esteem' (Step-by-Step Guidelines for Raising Responsible, Productive, Happy Children) by Dorothy Corkille Briggs
It raises the point of the increase in mental disorders in adults which can actually be prevented by raising self worth in children at the youngest age possible. No age is too late, although there are statistics showing the likelihood of mental illness against the raising of self worth and different ages. This really links with Louise Hay's belief that many things step from our childhood, however with this book we are looking at it from the other side. Louise shows how we can fix things as adults. This book shows how we as parents can help our children get to adulthood without having to fix things at the other end.
As a mother of an autistic child, I know there are mental disorders that can not be cured. However they can be helped. My son has very low self esteem as he has moderate autism so while he can't help so many things he does, he is very aware he is different. I do believe it will help him significantly when he moves to a specialist school next year where he will be one of the more higher functioning children, so hopefully will not believe he is stupid anymore (which he most definitely is not). Most of the higher functioning children there are actually moderate rather than high functioning on the scale, however most higher functioning children with austism actually stay in the normal school system with helpers as my son has had since starting main stream school in prep.
Now I have been attempting to start the book 'Out of the Blue: Delight Comes into Our Lives' by Mark Victor Hansen & Barbara Nichols with Patty Hansen however the introduction is hard going due to the fact that every time I try to read I get the following song stuck in my head!!!
Will get to finishing it as soon as it is possible to read without this bloody annoying song on repeat!
(Sorry for getting this stuck in your head, but if I have to suffer - so does everyone else! hehehe
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