Open yourself up to life... and it will give back to you

I had such a lovely weekend this weekend. It started off in a way that could have imploded the whole weekend... I slept in to the time I was actually supposed to leave for my parent's place. Unfortunately yesterday one of my headaches decided to come along. However I didn't let this ruin my weekend. I didn't rush, I still made sure to complete the things that needed to be done before I left. Before I did leave I called my mum to let her know I wasn't quite up to scratch and asked if she could apologise and explain on my behalf to my step dad. He is getting on in years and can be quite grumpy if you don't show proper respect.

I quite often put off visiting because I often feel like I'm not doing anything right. I try to help out with cleaning up etc, but if I haven't done it fast enough there can be grumpy words, and reminders from my mum of things I need to do once at home.

Amazingly, I was told not to do a thing this weekend, mum actually walked me over to the couch and told me to rest. My step father was lovely the whole time, and my mum told me numerous times that she is proud of how hard I am working to improve my home right now with my decluttering. There were a couple of times of gentle reminders of what else to do to fix things at home, however I tried to remember she was just trying to help. The first time I explained that I did know these things and I really just need positive reinforcement right now. The next time, I listened and said thank you and that was that.

As "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" suggests, when discussing a current political issue and my step father disagreed strongly, I left it at that. There was no time to ask why his view was as such, but I let him 'win' the discussion even though it is something I feel quite strongly about. I would never change his mind, and he wouldn't thank me for pushing. All I would have been left with would have been a grumpy step dad and a grumpy me.

I enjoyed a lovely walk along the beach with mum, a lovely roast lamb (my step dad's speciality) - and I got the shank... yum yum yum, and I had a lot of fun out on the balcony watching the Australia Day fireworks.

All in all it was lovely and relaxing and I felt a lot of love. Doing my best to put everything I'm learning from 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff' and Louise Hay into practice is opening my heart and my life to possibilities and to life giving back to me.

Communication is key!

Overall I have a very good relationship with my ex and his wife. They are both very nice people and both love the kids very much. There are much worse situations to be in. However at times I do feel that it is two against my one. They may not realise they are coming off that way, but it does none the less. There have been many things that have upset me, especially over the last couple of years but I have felt a lot of pressure to just shut up and not say anything to keep the peace. I was never good at winning any arguments with my ex anyway even when he was completely wrong. (Such as when, just after seeing The Sixth Sense, he refused to believe that Bruce Willis' character was actually dead!!! - Sorry for the spoiler there for anyone who hasn't watched it!)

When, earlier this week my kids step mum said to me on the phone that there was a number of things that came up in the kids week there that they wanted to talk to me about I suggested that she wrote them down as it would give me the space to think about the issues and respond with an intelligent answer after being able to actually think about it first rather than being blindsided and responding without thought.

The more I thought about this, the more I thought this was a good idea. For some time I've really wanted to have a better relationship with them. The stresses I'm feeling as a result of how I am perceiving them and how they may be perceiving me are quite frankly making my life a lot more unhappy than it needs to be. There is no need for me to be feeling unhappy when thinking about them. Indeed, the 3 of us (and hopefully eventually 4 of us, once I get a partner of my own), need to work together to help the kids grow to be the best they can be, so I would prefer to enjoy that time than dread it.

At school, my son has a book called a communication book. His teacher or special needs aid writes anything that has concerned them, that my son did well or something he needed in there and sends it home to me to read, I respond and include any thing I need them to know. This works out very well. So I decided to start a communication book for the kids to be written in by myself and my ex & his wife. I wrote a few things to start today and explained it to the kids step mum. I said it was to be an open and friendly book where we wrote worries, things needed or things coming up for the kids.

She said she thought that was a great idea! We have tried a number of ways to do something similar before, but I really feel that this has the best chance of being successful.

I'll have to remember Don't Sweat the Small Stuff when reading their response though. Their type of parenting is different to mine, neither is wrong, just different... so I'll have to remember to calm, not take things personally even if it feels like it is personal and be prepared to see things from their point of view and offer to meet them half way... and indeed be open to changing my mind if after a good unbiased think realise their point does have merit.

I'll report back as to how it is going!!

Oops, I did it again!!

I've been reading and listening to Don't Sweat the Small Stuff... by Richard Carlson lately, I will go more in to the things I've learnt from him so far at a later date.. however it is hard work putting one thing in to practice. He talks about holding back from talking about yourself, ask questions... Learn to even leave a conversation from time to time having only spoken to the other person about their life.

Remembered it when talking to a friend today, but as this is a particularly sympathetic friend who always praises how well I deal with the hand I have been dealt and that my aggravation at a certain situation & person is completely justified. This is wonderful and I really cherish her friendship, however it means she is so good at being there for me that I slip into talking about myself and run out of time to talk about her. All the while talking to her I had a voice in my head saying "stop talking about myself", show interest in her life, but it just didn't translate to my mouth!

At least my head did remember... just have to work to get the brain & mouth connected. One person in the household with no filter is enough I think... although my son is amusing with it.

His autism does not allow for him to realise or understand that things he says could hurt people's feelings, he just says things how they see them. Latest example... in one day he told the lady at the chemist that she had a pointy nose, a lady going into the chemist she had a moustache, and his babysitter that she had a really wrinkly face! I of course reprimand him so he knows I disagree with it, even though it doesn't really work as it doesn't compute for next time, but it makes the other person feel better, especially when my son goes on repeat mode and can't stop saying it!

Embarrasing when it happens, but kind of amusing when looking back at it (I think I can safely say this as he has often said things to me such as.. "you've got a big bum", "wow, you've got big thighs"! I choose to look at it with humour. It's definitely not the worst part of autism we experience!