Communication is key!

Overall I have a very good relationship with my ex and his wife. They are both very nice people and both love the kids very much. There are much worse situations to be in. However at times I do feel that it is two against my one. They may not realise they are coming off that way, but it does none the less. There have been many things that have upset me, especially over the last couple of years but I have felt a lot of pressure to just shut up and not say anything to keep the peace. I was never good at winning any arguments with my ex anyway even when he was completely wrong. (Such as when, just after seeing The Sixth Sense, he refused to believe that Bruce Willis' character was actually dead!!! - Sorry for the spoiler there for anyone who hasn't watched it!)

When, earlier this week my kids step mum said to me on the phone that there was a number of things that came up in the kids week there that they wanted to talk to me about I suggested that she wrote them down as it would give me the space to think about the issues and respond with an intelligent answer after being able to actually think about it first rather than being blindsided and responding without thought.

The more I thought about this, the more I thought this was a good idea. For some time I've really wanted to have a better relationship with them. The stresses I'm feeling as a result of how I am perceiving them and how they may be perceiving me are quite frankly making my life a lot more unhappy than it needs to be. There is no need for me to be feeling unhappy when thinking about them. Indeed, the 3 of us (and hopefully eventually 4 of us, once I get a partner of my own), need to work together to help the kids grow to be the best they can be, so I would prefer to enjoy that time than dread it.

At school, my son has a book called a communication book. His teacher or special needs aid writes anything that has concerned them, that my son did well or something he needed in there and sends it home to me to read, I respond and include any thing I need them to know. This works out very well. So I decided to start a communication book for the kids to be written in by myself and my ex & his wife. I wrote a few things to start today and explained it to the kids step mum. I said it was to be an open and friendly book where we wrote worries, things needed or things coming up for the kids.

She said she thought that was a great idea! We have tried a number of ways to do something similar before, but I really feel that this has the best chance of being successful.

I'll have to remember Don't Sweat the Small Stuff when reading their response though. Their type of parenting is different to mine, neither is wrong, just different... so I'll have to remember to calm, not take things personally even if it feels like it is personal and be prepared to see things from their point of view and offer to meet them half way... and indeed be open to changing my mind if after a good unbiased think realise their point does have merit.

I'll report back as to how it is going!!